Promises to Ourselves

Romans 8:28-30

            Once again, my plans failed. I did not manage to dedicate the time to biblical studies as I had hoped to manage. Desire to spend time at my computer, with my children, and with my husband prevailed. The first few days I did manage to squeeze in time with my husband for studies and prayers, but even in do so, I learned more about myself than with the actual studies. I learned that I lack patience (this isn’t really news), but I was shocked by how vehement my lack of patience was concerning his studies. Even as I type these words I am frustrated by the repetition of questions that he asked nightly. If I cannot help my husband with his understanding, how I am going to teach my children? How am I going to answer questions others may pose? How could God possibly be calling me to work with other people?

            It sounds hokey, but the truth is that God does not call the qualified. He qualifies the called. Moses stuttered and yet he was God’s chosen to free the Hebrews from Egypt. Abraham lied and allowed Sarah to be taken into the king’s home. Jacob stole Esau’s blessing. David sent Uriah to his death so he could have Bathsheba. The bible is filled with stories of sinners, liars, murderers whom God called to do his bidding. None, other than Christ, was pure and God used them all. Paul was a zealot when it came to murdering Christians and yet thirteen out of the twenty-seven books of the New Testament are attributed to him.

            This is a reminder that while I may fail at my personal goals and desires, my will is not always that of God’s will and if and when my time comes, God will be the one to do the work. The words will come from Him, not me. The work to be done may be through me but the glory is His.

            Heavenly Father, we are weak. We make so many promises both to ourselves and to You, and we fail more often than we succeed. Remind us that You are with us. That You give us purpose if we would only stop to listen to you. In Christ’s name I pray, Amen.

Baptism

Matthew 19:14

            This past Sunday, my three sons were baptized. Not at all J3s decision, although when asked he did answer, “Yeah.” And I am fairly certain that J1 only agreed to it because J2 was going to have it done.

            What started this event occurred Christmas Eve 2015. I stood up, leaving my sons with my parents and proceeded to partake in communion. The fact that J2 was left out of something, obviously important to a large portion of the church, deeply upset him. This, I was already prepared for. I used this opportunity to discuss baptism with my son.

            It went something like this:

Me: Sweetie, it is not right to take communion without being baptized.

J2: I’m a big boy, I want to be baptized.

Me: Sweetie, choosing to be baptized is a big decision. It means that you understand that Jesus loves you and choosing to love Jesus. It means that you are going to try to be a good person and walk the path Jesus would have you walk.

J2: I’m a good boy. I love Jesus. Jesus loves me. Also, He made the worms.

Me: Okay, well, let me talk to Daddy about it.

            And I did. We waited a couple of weeks to see what would happen. Then one morning as we were getting ready for church, J1 and J2 come in. J2 asks if they can be baptized. J1 simply nods his consent to wanting an answer to the question. Once again I explain that it is a big decision and that they need to be sure. J2 was jumping up and down as if my answer had been yes and he was ecstatic. I did the next thing I could think of. I made an appointment for our family to talk to our pastors. The resulting decision was that all three of our boys would be baptized together. The baptism was still weeks out and without fail, every Sunday, J1 or J2 would eventually ask if today was the day.

            It is important to raise our children with the beliefs that we want to pass down. For me it is that following Christ is a decision that impacts our lives so heavily that the decision is not to be made lightly. At the time, I was just so relieved that things went as smoothly as they did. Now, I can reflect on the idea that every year we can celebrate their adoption into an endless family of brothers and sisters.

Heaven Father, guide those parents that have chosen to raise their children with you as their Lord. Strengthen these parents with patience, love, understanding and acceptance. Guide the children who have been and will be baptized to grow up seeking you and spreading the Word of Your Greatness. Show them how their lives are a testament to You and that they have a personal story to use and share with others.

An Introduction to Amateur Prayers

            Last week I wrote about myself and how I feel this blog came to be. This week I wanted to write about what I hope Amateur Prayers will become.

            For those who do not know and until a couple of years ago, I had no idea. Last Tuesday was Shrove Tuesday, also called Pancake Tuesday or as my mother calls it, Fat Tuesday. One last day of indulgence before committing oneself to self-reflection during the forty days of the Lenten season, beginning on Ash Wednesday, as one focuses on the sacrifice Christ made for the forgiveness of our sins.

            Many people usually give something up: sugar, soda, caffeine. I knew a woman who gave up music during her morning commute in order to meditate and open herself up to hear the voice of God. I had never considered purposefully doing something until a few years ago when a man that I attended church with purposefully got up an hour earlier than usual in order to read the bible and pray. While I fully believe that the Lenten season is between an individual and God and that it is self-defeating to walk around telling people what you are sacrificing for the season, I am going to divulge my Lenten decision.

            For the past two years, my church has considered getting the congregation to write daily devotionals for Lent. However, the discussion to make this happen always comes too late in the year and we have to abandon the idea. During one of these meetings, I decided that I would attempt to write a daily devotional myself. Not for anyone else but as a personal self-reflection, study and meditation. Of course, I had to discuss this with my husband as it would take up a part of our family’s evenings. While I do not plan to blog about those daily devotionals, I would like to blog about my personal epiphanies, versus that captured my heart and why they mean so much to me. Each of these posts will end in a prayer, hopefully relevant to the post itself. Then as I begin to grow, have more faith in myself, maybe, just maybe I can write daily devotionals.

            After Easter, I hope to write a weekly post. During the Lenten season, I doubt that I can make such a guarantee. So, between now and Easter, I can promise random thoughts and prayers.

Heavenly Father, I feel this is an enormous task. I fear that I am ill prepared for such an undertaking. So I ask that when I sit down and begin typing that you are behind my every word and thought. I pray that through my fumbling words that Your Holy Spirit be present with the reader and open their hearts and minds to the messages meant for them. In Jesus Christ’s name, I pray. Amen.

An Introduction to Me

            Over the past several years I have watched my writing change and not into what I expected or wanted. All of my time has gone into world creation. Creating characters for those worlds. Learning those character’s quirks,  their likes and dislikes. Even better is when those characters interact. The surprise, however, is when those interactions turn into a scene, or a rough draft of manuscript with a beginning, middle, and an end.

            I am lucky enough to belong to a critique group willing to listen to these horrific first pieces of work. Truth be told, I revel in being torn apart, it helps me improve and grow. I respect all of the people in the group and I have read several pieces. All this to say that one of the women in the group has noticed something …

            I write around a specific theme. Religion. Even more specific Christianity, which seems natural since I am a Christian and know very little about other religions except for broad overviews. My writing can be narrowed down even further: being a faithful servant to God. Which was never what I set out to write about. I write about dragons and magic and things that go bump in the night. I write about fantastical creatures and worlds both familiar and foreign. I also write about a single deity who is caring and yet demands obedience. Of course demanding obedience is not quite the right wording. It is more like there is a caring God whose love washes over you so completely that you can’t imagine living your life for anyone else.

            At least that is how it is for me.

           

            I am a thirty-seven year old woman, or will be soon, who is happily married, not that we don’t have issues. I have three boys, each unique and drastically different from one another. Our oldest, J1, is adopted, he is what I would classify as a shy watcher. He loves attempting to understand how things work and can stare at an object for hours in an attempt to understand how it works. J2, was in our lives for nine months before J1 joined us. The first week they were together they bonded and until recently we raised them as if they were twins. They have a love/hate relationship with each other. Brothers. J2 is outgoing and social, the complete opposite of J1 and my husband. J3 was a surprise we were not expecting. I have always had faith in God, even when I was angry with him, but my faith grew a hundred fold when J3 was born. He has a congenital heart defect and we almost lost him when he was two months old. The first year of his life was a fight for survival and it was during this year that my view of God changed.

            I accepting that I had no control over what happened to J3. There was nothing that I could do to affect whether he lived or died. I found the peace that comes with truly giving something over to God and saying, “Thy will be done.” Of course, something else happened when I spoke those words. I didn’t hand over this one issue, I began handing everything over to God. While I am still a willful child, I have faith that God will care for everything as He sees fit, which goes against my natural desire to have everything my way and in my time.

            A few weeks ago, I found myself telling God that I was ready to become a willing servant. I feel that this is one of those steps toward being that servant and while my faith is far from its infancy, my knowledge and understanding is basic, which is why this blog is titled Amateur Prayers.

Heavenly Father, be with me as I write these messages. Help my words be sincere, truthful, and hopeful. Help me spread the message of you through Your Word to the people who need to hear the good news. In Jesus Christ’s name I pray. Amen.